I am so fucking sick of not being loved. Every time I try to reach out and earn someone's love, my heart breaks once again. Every day is a painful reminder of the fact that I have nothing in this world but loneliness. I stumble, and fall, and am left to pick myself back up and brush away the tears.

She claims she doesn't know me. But in truth, she just doesn't like who I've become. And that hurts more than I will ever admit. I've changed, I don't deny that. I'm not the same person I used to be, even just six months ago. I'm transposing myself into a new character, something I'm doing later than others. She can't accept the fact that I will be eighteen, a legal adult, in just about the same number of days.

Yet I have no independence, am granted no independent thoughts or feelings. I am expected to be part of one entity within this makeshift family, have no choice but to feel myself molding to the shape of their expectations and emotional stunting. But every day I hear how she doesn't want me to become her. She's pushing me so hard because she wants me to be better. And all she's doing is pushing me away.

Does she know that? Or does she just not care?

Sometimes I think my mother may be the most selfish person on earth. Constantly she speaks of how she's always doing everything for others, putting them all before herself. But can she even see her true self anymore?

I'm alone. And I want nothing more than to be loved.

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