You completely unnerve me. Do you realise that? Every time you look at me, or touch me, you send my mind flying away from my heart, and I want to cry. I never know how to act around you, how I'm expected to be. I find myself trying to be someone you'd like, witty, beautiful, intelligent. And no matter how many times I tell myself that I can be no one else, I keep trying. And I hate myself for it.

None of this is your fault. I know it. I've tried to blame you all these months, but I can't. Claiming that I love you would be foolish, but I can find no other word. Lust, maybe. But I can't get over you, no matter how hard I try, and each time you look at me I find myself backpedaling into a world where I felt nothing more than friendship, where what we had was merely a platonic acquaintance in one another, and I reveled in my own naivety.

I wish, more than anything, that I could just go back there. Before it all began, before we let everything get in between us. Back when it really was just the four of us, sitting on a lonely park bench far away from it all, talking about purple trees, innocent trips across the border, what we each wanted most in the world. And as cold and detached as I sometimes felt, sitting there in front of the world, there was always you. My three other counterparts, there to tether me to the ground so I wouldn't float away into a sky where I no longer saw the clouds.

But that's gone now, and I'm finding it hard to accept that fact.

In a way, in three very different ways, I've lost all of you. One has chosen his selfish relationship with a deceiving bitch over me... over us. As hard as I try, I'm letting myself drift apart from another. And you and I. I don't think we'll ever be the same. I fear I might be entirely to blame. My first mistake was letting myself fall for you...

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