I've never felt this calm before; the hurricane around me and my hands are steady. I can't explain it, I never could, but somehow you don't shake me like you used to. Your words are nothing now, flow by me now like water. Like salt into my wounds, like stale air into my lungs, I look at you and as I once saw my future, my light, I can only find laughter. Why was I so blind? If only I could see, if only I hadn't meant any of those breathless pleas. If only.

I'll always love you, in my fearful way. But now I'm finding my goodbyes.